Luke’s Lost Post

Wow! This is amazing. I found Luke’s deleted message in my internet cache. I can’t believe it — my first scoop. I feel like that guy who broke the monica lewinsky scandal, or that blogger who busted dan rather during typewriter-gate.

The text in its entirety reads:

$

by: Sancho’s Panties

the league is messed up. everyone is going to get their 50 back. the winner of the playoffs gets to make the rules for next year’s league (if anyone still wants one then). i had fun playing this year, and hope that we can establish another league next year, that has more rules. in the end fantasy baseball is just a means for us all to keep in touch and talk shit while collectively enjoying baseball. there is no reason for anyone (especially me) to get bent out of shape and pissed off. the keeper league project bombed a bit. next year we’ll get it right.

-Luke

Message: 967 of 967

It’s not really all that bad of a post, but i could see how eben would delete it. i feel sorry for the guy: spending all night reversing me and brian’s trade — if only he knew that it could have been fixed in three easy steps:

a) change the trade deadline to “none”

b) have brian and i repropose the trade

c) process the trade

That’s all assuming that the trade deadline can be changed after it has passed. Otherwise, there was no choice but eben’s painfully tedious one…

Luke the Pawn

Yesterday, I described how Luke was serving as my pawn this week by picking up starting pitchers whom otherwise Eben would have grabbed. But now that the blockbuster trade between Brian and me has gone through, it appears that Luke might actually end up benefitting Eben most of all.

The Ortiz injury means that Jared’s team is stronger than mine at this point. With Eben taking on my weakened team, it seems highly unlikely that Luke could possibly gain the 4.5 games he needs to take over 1st place in this final week. However, should Luke fight hard, he could block Jared’s team from the playoffs. Nothing could suit Eben better. If my team, rather than Jared’s, should limp into the playoffs as the 4th cede, then it will be all the easier for Eben to advance to the finals, all thanks going to Luke for fending Jared off.

Of course, this also means that Eben will have to be careful not to pulverize my team this week. Should Luke not be overwhelming jared’s team, look for Eben to lay off of mine a little bit this weekend, trying to ensure that he faces the weakest opponent come the playoffs.

UPDATE: Eben really didn’t have anything to do with the trade between Brian and me. However, the only logical benefits (if there are any) fall to him, which would make it seem as if Eben himself had orchestrated the whole thing. I believe innocent scenerios such as this one are what cause Zionist conspiracy theories to be born…

Pole Position!

Wa-ha-ha! I have devised a plan so fiendishly clever that I must tell it to the world! In taking over Jared’s team and managing it so effectively, I appear to all as a selfless naif, but in reality I am so much more!!! Now that I am managing Jared’s team, I can pick up starters, disrupting Eben’s greatest advantage over me in this final week — the use of his remaining transactions. Meanwhile, Luke, matched in an epic battle against jared, will have no choice but to start grabbing pitchers himself (even craptacular ones like cliff lee), further hampering eben’s efforts. I rob eben of his advantage, beat him, and march into the playoffs all the while appearing to the world as a munificent champion of the gambrel poles!

little does the league know, it’s a bunch of unconditional loving suckers…

Bucky “Friekin’” Dent!

Were it not for the smoking gun photograph posted above, I would have never believed the rumors. But here he is, eben lasker, schmoozing with any baseball celebrity, however notorious, that can score him red sox tickets… I have to confess, I’m still in a little bit of denial, but I notice I’m not the only one… Eben, your see-no-evil pose can’t obscure the guilt that lies in your heart!

The Bling…

… will always tell you who is really number one!

Ethan’s Avatar…

… has “weiner” written all over it. He’s too embarrassed to show it next to his team name, instead opting for a banal jersey top, but it’s there for anyone who wants to view his fantasy profile. Pretty dorky, I suspect it represents some sort of secret interest he has for Harry Potter…

Who’s More Self-Satisfied?

Busted! Luke Mitcheson, self-proclaimed red sox fan, palling around with none other than Yankees commentator and Holocaust denier, Michael Kay. Kay has more excuses for Derek Jeter than Lenny Rufenstahl had for you-know-who. Well, Luke, remind me, do the British spell “collaborator” with a U!?!

More Avatar Madness!!!

So I was hoping that people in my league would voluntarily send me pictures of their yahoo avatars, but I’ve been met with staunch resistance and a lot of stonewalling (mostly from Eben). This time around I got a little sneaky and was able to reach into the depths of my mind and pull out Jared’s old password. But isn’t it worth it? This blog is the only place where you can see the full background. For the entire fantasy baseball season I’ve been aware of the yuppy go-getter reading his daily stock report, but the dog-lover? I had no idea. Maybe I shouldn’t be posting this. Maybe it is too personal. Maybe it’s a soft-side of Jared that he was a little shy about revealing to a group of the most macho men you could ever meet in your life, but, darnit, i think it’s cute. i bet whenever he looks at the loyal bowser to his left he thinks of his own little hound, cayenne…

oops! I caught his avatar blinking when i took this pic. lol

Wanted — Dead or Alive II

Here is the other superdork from our league, Luke. Notice that his doppleganger is none other than Joni Mitchell. This week our teams are going head to head. I plan to pave his face and put up a parkin’ lotta homers…

UPDATE: Luke never even bothered to create an avatar! He’s that smug and complacent…

Brian’s Avatar

Here is Brian’s avatar. Check out the smooth threads! Little would you know that underneath them lies a “mean-spirited jerk.” The little green spaceman can’t be seen from the yahoo site, so consider this a special privilage for you, exclusively available at barelyregal.